Dear Lia: 

Mazel tov to you and your parents on your impending bat mitzvah. I know it is a proud and happy occasion for your whole family.

When I was your age -- and for a long time after that -- I believed I had things pretty well thought out. But the older I got, the less certain I became of life and all its challenges. Now, 30 years after my bar mitzvah, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that I don't know. So I'm probably not the best person to ask for words of advice.

But this I can tell you: Every person is responsible for writing his or her own life's story. Don't expect someone else to determine your path. How you choose to live your life every single day, how you choose to deal with each person you encounter and how willing you are to show compassion, tolerance and forgiveness for others creates the person that you become. 

When you find yourself facing an ethical choice, think of how it would reflect upon you if this were your last day on earth. When you find yourself becoming angry or jealous or impatient with someone, resist the impulse. Life is too short to make enemies. Remember that we all have feelings and we all are fallible. Learn from your mistakes. Find redemption in defeat. Pursue your dreams with determination and diligence. Believe in yourself.

OK, pretty basic stuff, I know. But it all comes straight from the heart.

With best wishes,

Robert Feder

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