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10/28/99 Lia, I am honored that you sought my thoughts and advice for your Bat Mitzvah. I was particularly touched because your letter arrived on my 44th birthday, when I was already in a reflective mood. I have spent my whole adult life engaged in the practice of medicine, and primarily performing medical research. I have truly been blessed in being able to follow my innermost calling, pursuing my dream of learning that which has been unknown, and using my research career to heal the ill and improve the tools available for others to treat cancer patients for generations to come. So how do I translate my personal journey (not yet complete, I hope) into advice to a talented young woman, on the cusp of adulthood? Not such an easy question, because the path I have chosen is clearly not right for everyone. If I can offer any advice, it is to choose the path you want your life to take, and not let circumstances control you. Simply put, I would start by suggesting you focus on three things. First, learn to look inside yourself and see what talents, skills, and aptitudes you have. No one, no matter how much they know and love you, can ever know you as well as you can know yourself. My mother told me as a young boy (and numerous times afterwards) that I should become educated, and whatever I did, to be the best at it. Very sound words. But one must learn to see that which you can most excel in. I was never going to be a professional baseball player, nor an accomplished artist (although I enjoy both baseball and art). I learned to see where my talents were, and focused my energies in that area. In my case it was medical research. Secondly, you must learn to choose your dreams. My mother also told my brothers and me the famous line form Robert Browning, "Oh that a man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for?" If you learn to strive for goals beyond yourself, to try to rise to the highest levels of achievement, you will live an exciting and fruitful life. You will likely not achieve all of your goals, but you will be happy and fulfilled. The efforts to achieve your dreams becomes, in itself, as gratifying as ever achieving them. And only you can create your dreams. Maybe it will be in a profession such as teaching, medicine, or the law, maybe in the arts, or in the context of your personal relationships. But at some level, you will be well served by choosing the things in life that matter most to you, and putting your energies into the realization of your dreams. Lastly, is to develop your sense of values. I know that with the wonderful family and education that you have, this may sound obvious, but the values you gain as a young woman provide the tools to make the difficult decisions for the rest of your life. Pursuit of your talents and dreams is important, but the most important thing is to always ask yourself if you are doing the "right thing." Too many people, talented and motivated, have allowed their energies to be diverted to immoral or evil purposes. A career in business can be very worthwhile, but your values will serve to prevent you from overstepping the line where honest work ends, and victimization of others begins. The Jewish values you are learning from your parents and Hebrew School will keep you from falling victim to the temptations of selfishness and temporary gratification, and help you make the right decisions in life that every day you will face. I guess to put it simply, with every decision you make, you should say to yourself, "How would I feel if my parents and teachers could see me now?" Will you always be proud of yourself? Maybe, you can "get away" with a lot of mischief, but with the values from your Judaism, you will learn to not try to get away with misdeeds. Lia, I hope that my thoughts are helpful to you. I know you will continue to grow into a bright, caring, and attractive young woman. The whole world lies before you. Choose your path wisely, and never be afraid to change your course, if you realize you have made a mistake. Those who love you will always be on your side.
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